Marriage Quotes: Marriages are blessings of ALLAH,Marriage is the beginning of a life-long commitment to somebody.Marrying the person that you love and loves you back is probably one of the best feelings you could ever experience.
Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.Marriage is a form of discipline involving two people committing to a certain lifestyle and set of boundaries.In my mind, marriage is a spiritual partnership and union in which we willingly give and receive love, create and share intimacy, and open ourselves to be available and accessible to another human being in order to heal, learn and grow.
”90 % of being married is just shouting’’ what’’ from other rooms”
”Don’t fight when you are tired or hungry”
”Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life’’
”A healthy marriage is fueled by healthy communication”
Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” ~ Mark Twain
“Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.” ~ Gene Perret
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” ~ Andre Maurois
“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” ~ Martin Luther
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” ~ Robert Fulghum, True Love
”My wife just told me she understands the questions as to why but hates answering any of them. Can only try”
”I don’t know why people congratulate on marriage I think condolences is a better option.
On my marriage day”
”If your wife says go and sleep on a sofa instead bed, go and sleep please if u will wait, after some time you will be on floor”
”Marriage is like a deck of cards . all you need in the beginning is two hearts and diamonds. After 10 years you need a club and spade”
”If you want a happy life, keep your mouth shut and open your checkbook”
”The only thing which can make happy your wife is nothing”
”If your wife can not find anything about you in your phone, always type on google ‘’ my husband with girl’’
Love Marriage Quotes
”Who says ‘’washing dishes is the responsibility of a wife, go ahead and wash them”
”Sometimes people say you can not live without marriage, I think oxygen is more important”
”Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and other is husband”
”Husband is the head of family and wife is the neck that turns the head around”
”My wife and I always compromise, I admit I am wrong and she agrees”
”In our marriage everything is 50/50 .i cook he eats, I wash he wears, I shop he pays”
”Behind every unsuccessful person, there is a successful wife”
Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter.
May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about living?
Marriage based on common sense and mutuality is one of the greatest things of life.
May there be a generation of children, on the children of your children.
We had a happy marriage because we were together all the time. We were friends as well as husband and wife. We just had a good time.
Talk six times with the same single lady, and you may get the wedding dress ready.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
When a wife has a good husband it will be easily seen on her face.
Hold your wife’s hand in the mall because if you let go, she’ll start shopping. It looks Romantic, but it’s actually Economic.
One day my wife’s credit card got stolen..what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife. LOL!
I think I’m starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven’t seen any money through the entire house.
I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
A good marriage is like a game of chess, the queen should always protect her king.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Never yell at each other, unless the house is on fire. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.
”Make love, not war—– or marry,,,,, than you can do both”
”When a man opens a car for his wife, it is neither a new car or new wife”
”Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence”
Funny Marriage Quotes for newlyweds
Marriage is like a spicy shwarma for newlyweds, always crazy for the first bite. these funny wedding quotes for newlyweds are just super amazing”
”I am going to get married again, but I am mature now and I need some kitchen stuff”
”Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and wife shops”
”Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome”
When we got married I told my wife ‘If you leave me, I’m going with you.’ And she never did.” – James Fineous McBride
“I’m a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too — for being married so many times.”- Elizabeth Taylor
“If I get married, I want to be very married.” – Audrey Hepburn
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Dame Agatha Christie
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” – Leo Tolstoy
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” – Oscar Wilde
“We had a happy marriage because we were together all the time. We were friends as well as husband and wife. So we just had a good time.” – Julia Child
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my love to marry me.” – Sir Winston Churchill
“At every party there are two kinds of people … those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. – Michel de Montaigne
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Married Life is so easy, it’s just like a walk in the park. But the problem is that the park is..’Jurassic Park!’
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remember anniversaries and another who never forgets them. – Ogden Nash
Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them; Never be proud of your choices, your wife is one of them.
Maths after marriage is simple. If you have $20 and your wife has $5, she has $25 😉
Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can’t live without each other.
My Marriage in on the rock again yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Our delight knows no bounds on the day of your wedding. Wish that you carry this serene bond from strength to strength with each passing day.
Today I promise you all of my tomorrows.
”Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him’’
”If you want your wife listens to you then talk to another woman; she will be all on ears”
” I love being married, it is so great to find a special person, you want to annoy for the rest of your life”
”There are only three things women needs in their life, food water and compliments”
”We were worried for better or worse, I could not have done better and she could not have done worse”
”An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have, the older she gets, the more interested he is in her”
”I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as husband.i have the dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon. and a cat that comes home late night”
”HUSBAND and WIFE, even a single alphabet is not repeated in them and going to live a whole life”
”Caring your wife is just a waste of time, she will never give you worth, care for other women, she will definitely give you worth”
Funny Marriage Jokes
You can not shout crazy jokes on your friend but funny texts with long jokes can amaze them even for newlyweds but it would be more amazing when two married couple share their experiences in-jokes.
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.
“I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”
”Marriage is a three-ring circus engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering”
I received an invitation for a wedding. I answered: Maybe next time. Thanks.
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
Me as best man:
I heard the best man’s speech should last as long as the groom lasts in bed. Thank you very much for your attention. Enjoy the wedding.
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.
My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.
When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist,” said my husband’s grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, “Now look how much I got. That’s what I call an investment!”
But she figured out I was only after my money.I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital.
“Oh my Lord, how is she?!” I asked.
“I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse.
“What the heck is she complaining about again?!”
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age.”
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
“Well”, he replied. “I said I was 87!”
”A chubby wife and tired husband went to a psychologist and asked how they can live a happy life, we fight every day, the psychologist said ‘’’ wife and husband are two tires of life,, husband contravened,’’ if one tire of the car and one of the tractor , what about this?”
”A man married with two ladies, he tried his whole life to give them everything equally, even the purchase bread , he cut them in two pieces , if he purchase shoes for one, same shoes for other, same dress for both, unfortunately, both of his wives died on the same day, he buried them and prayed, same night he dreamed, one of his wives was saying ‘’ while burying you stood 3.5 minutes on her grave while 3.4 minutes on my grave”
”When wife ask ‘’ do you think am gaining weight?,husband ‘’ no I think the room is getting smaller”
Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Marriage is a short break between novels.
Congratulations! God, bless you today and for the rest of your married lives.
Let good luck and understanding stay with you forever! Happy wedding day.
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: “Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?”
Wife looks confused: “But that’s your task, honey.”“What? Why?”
“It’s all over the Bible, dearest.”
“The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!”
”How sounds these words, wife, knife?”
Wedding Quotes funny wishes
Marriage is all about given and take, more u will give, more he will take”
”Marriage is the combination of compromise and communication, she is doing communication and you should do compromise”
”A blind husband and deaf wife make a perfect couple”
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner
Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.
If at first you don’t succeed..try doing it the way your wife told you.
Marriage is a workshop..where husband works & wife shops..
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.
”People say opposite attracts, then I will give u suggestion run faster and away from this attraction”
”From available to busy, from money to without money, from hairs to without hairs, think a hundred times if you want to marry”
”My friend stays happy all the time when he decided to marry”
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
He stole my heart so I am planning revenge..I am going to take his Last Name.
Two golden rules to a happy marriage: 1. The wife is always right. 2. When you feel she is wrong slap yourself and read rule no. 1 again.
Marriage let you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore..
If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
”Marriage is when a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters degree”
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
If you marry one woman, she will fight with you. But, if you marry 2 women, they will fight for you. Think different 😉 LOL
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; She will be all ears.
When a women says “WHAT?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you, she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
The most important words for successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’
Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not what’s left over after you have given your best to everyone else.
Me and my wife live happily for 25 years..then we met!!
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it away.
When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.
To keep your marriage brimming with love in the cup, Whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.
Married life is not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.
”In life, a jump comes which can make your life like a jail if you can pass this jump you are married if you don t you are married”
Funny Wedding Quotes
Children sleep early, mature sleep late, legends fight all night”
”Marriage is the bond btw person, who never remember anniversaries , and other who never forgets them”
”Marriage is a combination of two words, marry and age, enjoy when you are aged”
”A man is incomplete until he is married, after that he finished”
A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason – and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison
“A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” ~ anonymous
“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
“Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” ~ Anonymous
“We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.” ~ Jacques Maritain
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” ~Peter De Vries
“To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” ~Marnie Reed Crowell
“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” ~ Ingrid Bergmen
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” ~Simone Signoret
“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” ~ Anne Taylor Fleming
“Woke up in bed with a gorgeous woman, who I’m going to have lunch and the rest of my life with.” ~ Jason Barmer
happy marriage quotes
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein
“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” ~ Judith Viorst
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire
“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” ~ Anne Sophie
You can’t have a happy family if you don’t have a happy marriage. – Jeremy Sisto
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. – Mignon McLaughlin
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. – Robert Quillen
Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.
“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” ~ Paul Sweeney
“Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage.” ~ Finnish Proverb
“A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” ~ James H. Boren
”I think a man who has a pierced ear, are better prepared for marriage, they have experienced pain and bought jewelry”
”Some people walk in our life and leaves footprints on our hearts, other walks into our lives and we want footprints on their face”
”Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures”
”On your first night, you both are afraid, but I let u know a man that is the only night she is afraid of you”
”My wife slept with makeup, and I don’t someone asked in morning with me”
Marriage Quotes Funny Positive
People say, you were love at first sight, for me you are love at first swipe”
“A long-lasting marriage is built by two people who believe in -and live by- the solemn promise they made.”-Darlene Schacht
“If you’re not happy with where you are and what you’ve got, you won’t be happy with where you go or what you get. Happiness is a choice for today.”-Fawn Weaver
“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”-Henry Ford
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”-Dave Meurer
“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.”-Fawn Weaver
“Marriage is a commitment- a decision to do, all through life, that which will express your love for one’s spouse.”-Herman H. Kieval
“Show me a man who is smiling from ear-to-ear and living a beautiful life, and I’ll show you a man who is grateful for what he has and utterly in love with his wife.”-Fawn Weaver
“A fool in love makes no sense to me. I only think you are a fool if you do not love.”-Unknown
“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything and two minus one equals nothing.”-Mignon McLaughlin
“Love is a partnership of two unique people who bring out the very best in each other, and who know that even though they are wonderful as individuals, they are even better together.”-Barbara Cage
“The doors of happiness remain locked. When they are unlocked, they swing open quickly and widely but close right behind them. They must be reopened throughout each day and there is but one key that fits that lock: Gratitude.”-Fawn Weaver
“The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”-Unknown
“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”-Fawn Weaver
“The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn’t marry me.”-Robert Brault
“Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.”-Fawn Weaver
short marriage quotes
“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”-John Lennon and Paul McCartney
“You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you, and then you meet one person and your life is changed forever.”- Jamie Randall
“There are few things more frightening to a man than giving away his heart. And there are few things more comforting to a man than to know the woman he gave his heart to, will protect it with her life.”-Fawn Weaver
“Love is always bestowed as a gift -freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved, we love to love.”-Leo Buscagalia
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. – Martin Luther
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. – Dave Meurer
Love is blind. But marriage restores its sight.
My husband thinks I’m crazy, however he’s the one who married me.
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.
Don’t marry someone you can live with, marry the person who you cannot live without.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match.
A happy marriage doesn’t mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both. – Fawn Weaver
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”-Peter Ustinov
“Passionate sex is great. A passionate marriage filled with passionate sex…SO much better.”-Fawn Weaver
“Enjoy the little things in life… For one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”-Robert Brault
“Keep the fire lit in your marriage and your life will be filled with warmth.”-Fawn Weaver
“You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.”-Richard Needham
“When you compromise your beliefs for the sake of gain, that is a lack of integrity. When you compromise your beliefs for the sake of greater understanding with your spouse, that’s called wisdom.”-Fawn Weaver
“One day, in your search for happiness, you discover a partner by your side, and you realize that your happiness has come to help you search.”-Robert Brault
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”-Ogden Nash
“Heart pounding, body sweating, hair soaked… Going for a morning run does that but leaves me a little tired. Staying in the bed with my husband a little longer yields the same result – but is a whole lot more fun.”-Fawn Weaver
“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.”-Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.”-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
No one can go back and change how it started but a new future for any marriage can begin the moment one person begins to invest in it.”-Fawn Weaver
“They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village.”-Diane Sollee
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”-Robert Quillen
“The best time to love with your whole heart is always now, in this moment, because no breath beyond the current is promised.”-Fawn Weaver
“To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.”-Robert Brault
“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.”-Fawn Weaver
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”-Sam Keen
“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”-Franklin P. Jones
“Where there is love, there is life.”-Mahatma Gandhi
marriage quotes for him
”’I love being get married, it is so great to find that one person, you want to annoy for the rest of your life”
”A state has less power than the power of wife”
Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be mad at each other as well.
Before marrying someone, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet, just to see who they really are.
The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.
5 years I forced my wife to marry me, how much time I should force her to leave me?
”Marriage is a craze when you are unmarried”
Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Til’ death do us part is the length.”-Fawn Weaver
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”-Mignon McLaughlin
“Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different and each one is beautiful.”-Maggie Reyes
“Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.”-Stephen Gaines
“Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.”-Jennifer Smith
“The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.”-Fawn Weaver
“People stay married because they want to, not because the doors are locked.”-Paul Newman
“Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.”-Harville Hendrix
“Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.”
“Love is the greatest gift when given. It is the highest honor when received.”-Fawn Weaver
”All my friends are getting married. i guess I m just at the age where people give up”
Marriage is the virtuous exploration of love in its purest form and pleasure in its highest state.”-Fawn Weaver
“Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night of the week.”-Christie Cook
“A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.”-Darlene Schacht
“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.”-Anne S Swetchine
“Being loved just as you are is the greatest currency on earth. It is immeasurable in value and can never truly be repaid.”-Fawn Weaver
“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.”-Barnett R. Brickner
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.”-Peter De Vries
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.”-Simone Signoret
strong marriage quotes
“Happiness in marriage is a moment by moment choice. A decision to love, forgive, grow and grow old together.”-Fawn Weaver
“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. Its the way you love your partner every day.”-Barbara De Angelis
”How quickly 20 years of my age passed, why this first year is looking like 100”
Funny Marriage one-liner
Wedding ring, world’s smallest cufflink”
”Marriage is married within the age”
”Happy wife happy life”
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?
Welcome to the dangerous world of married life. It‘s too late to repent! Have an amazing journey!
In life we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage it‘s better to close them at times!
Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.
Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you, so that they won’t eat all of yours 😉
A happy marriage is not based on the number of days, months or years you’ve been together. A happy marriage is about how much you love each other.
A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know ‘What goes in it’.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.
My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I’d start lying to my wife.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
”Sad wife bad life”
”Keep the fights clean , sex dirty”
”love these both killers, wife, and knife”
”’Biggest lesson of life ‘’ wife is always right”
Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can’t hit me with them.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.
Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
My wife gave birth 4 times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.I gave birth 0 times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.
My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.
My wife’s not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, “All kids smell that way.”
It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Marriage doesn’t make you happy — you make your marriage happy.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; After marriage, it is self defense.
Husbands, love your wives well..Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your sons how they should treat women, and you are teaching your daughters what they should expect from men.
Treat her like you’re still trying to win her and that’s how you’ll never lose her.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn’t have time.
Just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.
Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!